The first line that popped up in my mind when I thought about
my resolutions were not, first of all,"Yeah, baby!".
Actually, it was,"What have I learned in this passing year?".
My inspirations changed, my views definitely changed, and
I found that my values of life had changed immensely.
After my last break up, my friend told
me to move on with my life in a clean manner.
To get a hair cut, refresh my personality,
live without having to worry about anything anymore.
I loved the ideas immensely and thought constantly but thoroughly about it.
But as easy as all of that freedom sounds, it was incredibly difficult.
I couldn't follow.
Difficult because, I didn't have enough balance to stabilize myself
if I were to attempt these changes.
LOL, I wish I could talk to someone about this,
but usually, all my friends have their own troubles to worry about.
I don't want to be the extra troubles brought to
them to deal with as well. xD
Because my thoughts seem somewhat silly to me.
They're something any normal person would think about.
I mean, I like the thought of being normal, but everyone has their
own answer and conclusion to the question.
It could be specific, personal, or general.
I will later write a reflection towards this subject.
I wish I could speak with my friend E***n about this though lol.
I feel like he might have an answer given what he's seen and heard
from me in the past years.
So, my resolutions for this year; considering I'm still a junior in high school:
1. Organize myself to work harder in school and
keep myself tidy at the same time.
2. I'm not going to worry about anyone. (Males especially)
3. Only focus on the necessities to live. (Food, water, warmth, Aquaphor)
4. Before helping anyone else, I'm going to make myself happy.
I believe that's the only way to helping others because if
you aren't happy first, the people you are trying to help will pick up on that negativity.
So the best start to spreading happiness is letting yourself be happy first.
5. I'm going to read all of the books on the list "50 books to read before you die"
(I only need 42 left :D)
6. TONE. I GAINED SO MUCH FAT OVER THE BREAK.
I lost lots of muscle... :C
So that's why I will run...twice a week.
Is that enough? o:
After all this, I have to say that it's been an:
And I will have much fun apprehending positives and negatives the next..
AND OMG, it was not cool to start it off before by watching The Expendables.
That was not my type of movie.
I watch two movies today, Scott Pilgrim vs. The World for the 3rd time
(first two in theaters),
and Eat Pray Love.
It was a very touching movie and made me want to travel around
the world even more. But the most important part I realized about the
movie was that, in order to live in peace and break from the past to
further destine your future for greatness and prosperity
and rid the world of of it's own stress, you must find it within yourself.
You're real purpose.
I would have to say the movie reminded me of the story
"A Sorrowful Woman" by Gail Godwin. Just a little bit in the beginning.
With more formula fiction though. ;D
AND MAYBE I should have read the book first, but I find it less disappointing
and stressful if I don't know what would happen in
chronological order or what was supposed to happen but did not show
up on cue.
And I would not be angry with the movie. (Like I was with Harry Potter)
Anger and hatred is an acid that you ingest.
It will eat you up in the inside and do nothing but
Love is the happiness you find within yourself.
Unfortunately, I believe that I have yet to find 'how to
love' much more than 'where it is'.
So here I am, back to the beginning.
And I came to this conclusion after reading:
It was a lonely night for our beloved Heroine, as she sat in her empty apartment with the lights turned off and the windows open wide. The wintery chill did nothing to her, her lips didn’t tremble once. Here she was. All alone. Exactly the way she had told countless men she had wanted it. It had taken quite a bit of elaborate work to emancipate herself and isolate herself this way. Today had been yet another rough day and she was on the verge of tears. So she escaped. She escaped to the memories of all the men that had comforted her in the past, the ones that had fallen for her when she was at her lowest. The men she had ended up hurting.
She felt her hands itching to call one of these men, but she knew she could not. It was a vicious cycle. Each and every time she called them they’d come running. They’d comfort her and nurture her wounds. She’d feel things. Emotional attachment, that rushy feeling. She’d tell them about these feelings, thus planting the seeds of hope in their minds. And then when it was all over, when our Heroine had finally cleared her head of all the turmoil, she would leave. She would leave with a clear mind and no feelings, and she would almost hear the hearts break like glass as she walked out the door.
So she sat there all alone in the cold, gripping her knees and holding them close to her body. Not from the cold, but from the sheer frustration, anger and anxiety she experienced in that moment. But she would not call them. Any of them. They had done so much for her and in return she had left them in a state that was worse than her own. It would not be humane to put them through all that again.
“If only I knew how to love,” she whispered into the dark.