Life Feels
Sometimes life feels tiresome. (School, work, etc.)
I wish I could rest from everything.
And go on a long vacation or move to a foreign country forever.
I wouldn't mind living in Canada with the rest of my family.
I really want to go into a university now.
Not that I'm trying to grow up fast or running away from stress,
I'm just looking forward to meeting new people.
Remembering back, I heard a group talk about how our high school has
a three year expiration date. After three years, no one really cares
about the people they're around or what they do just as long as they
are all set to get out.

My love life is quite dry.
But that's a good thing since it gives me a lot
of time to focus on the most important year of school.
I don't think I will have time next year either since
I will be taking 4 AP classes at once and we'll have another schedule
so in order to get an extra period (7th) I will have to do really
well in those classes.
It's important to focus in school too since it will lead me to a
really good college.
I want to go somewhere far.

People here ask for too much from me.
And people want to possess me. If that makes sense. :(
It's just another human need that I can't give anyone.
And what's more is that when I'm generally being nice,
it's easy to get taken advantage of.
I feel like I should just not socialize with anyone really.
It would be easier to just live alone. It may be lonely, but
it's better than feeling depressed and stressed out with people.
I've kept positivity up this far. I think it's time to let it go now.
Well, I'm thinking that it's the end of the world, but I feel like
this is the time where I will slip.
And I honestly do not want to be caught because if I fall, I could go
to a place where no one could reach me.

Jeez I sound so emo. xD
The thing about falling is that if I really do it,
everyone is looking down on me and that would be worse.
Not that I care about what they think.
But it's still not good because then I would have a low self
esteem and that would mean that I would be mean to other people.
Because when you have a low self-esteem, it's a given that you will
pick on people who you believe have more benefits than yourself.
So I would rather not. It's just so hard climbing a
ladder where people you know wishes for you to fall off of it.
I'm tired of rambling.

The main point of this whole entry is
I don't want to date anyone I'm not attracted to anymore.
I have before, and it always ends up badly.
And I can't even date right now anyways.
This is a really important year for high school.
Heck, I'm not taking any regulars next year either.
So I don't want to have to worry about this again.
I don't look at people in my high school either since a lot of
them just look at me as a female and not really a real friend.
Which basically sums that I'm not interested in the males at my
high school and am looking forward to the summer [of AP work and trip to Canada].

This is what I call a brain exercise
where I just type out what I think randomly
in my mind at the moment of typing/writing entries and such.
[2011/03/27 16:33 ] | Category: None | Comments(3) | Trackbacks(0)
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[2011/03/27 21:11] | | # [ Edit ]
> The stress is getting to you Megu D: , though I understand what you’re saying. Although, I believe you’re contradicting yourself abit. You say you want to meet new people, yet you feel like you should live alone. You say it’s the end of the world, yet you’re always thinking about your future... thought I'd point that out O: - Person You Already Know (P.Y.A.K.)

I never said it was the end of the world. And even if I had contradicted myself, I'm positive in which direction I am going and what I want for myself. I should be thinking about my future right?
And this is a flurry of my thoughts, not something I thought over twice. I don't really think looking back would help anything so I'm not waiting up for anyone after all that's happened this year.
[2011/03/27 22:37] | URL | Megu♥ #- [ Edit ]
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[2017/05/01 20:48] | | # [ Edit ]
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